So these past couple of weeks I had been feeling so distant from Christ nothing I did to try to be closer to Him seemed to to be enough and that started to make me feel discouraged to the things that I was even doing. Funny thing is though that I have officially found out today really, is that the Lord was trying to tell me and show me something about my self these days. The Lord has been trying to tell me that I need to look into myself and change who I am completely around.
I wrote a post earlier this week called “I’m Not The Judge Of That” I talked about this realization that I had last weekend of the fact that I am a wrongful judger. I am praying and working on a change but then today the Lord showed me while listening to Pastor Jordan Boyce’s sermon online called “Broken,Burn,Rebuilt” that I need to start having a heart that burns for souls, for the salvation of the people I know and that I don’t know. You see I have this fire in my heart for the passion of youth ministry and have asked God that if this comes from Him for Him to use me whatever way He wants. Now these last two weeks at least I have heard through out the week, whether at my church or online, about making a change and taking a stand and being firm with Christ before wanting to do anything for Him. I had not realized what they really met in my life till now exactly at this moment. What God had been trying to tell me is that I need to change my self; that He is not going to use me the way my heart is.
I am a for lack of better word cold person and you know I wish I wasn’t. For years I have had this burning in my spirit toward the youth for Christ.But for a longer amount of years I guess because of my own past troubles I have build up walls and not let my self have a loving heart toward anyone not even toward myself. I, truthfully, have only recently learned and allowed myself to fully and entirely let God into my life and to work His way in me and with this allowed me to forgive myself and start to learn to love myself. And guess this weekend marks to day that I am officially realizing that it is not enough to love myself and that will make me automatically love others. No I now realize that I need to pray and work on loving others too because God is using every way He can to tell me that. And God I answer Your call and say that I want You to come into my heart and start to soften me and change me. I want to have not only my spirit but my heart and soul also burn for the souls of the ones who have yet to meet you whether I know them or not.
I am going free in the arms of God be has broken the chain of cold heartedness in my life. I am officially free to love, to be happy. I have lived so many years angry and hiding anger wishing I could love and wanting and wishing I could feel the unexplainable happiness that comes from it. I declare that as of today I will know that happiness first hand because God is and will be working in me so that I love and have a loving heart toward others.