I have spent the last week trying to write about the topic of commitment issues. At first I was trying to write about what it is and how it affects us in every aspect in life including our relationship with Christ but that’s not what I am going to do.
I was talking to my best friend earlier this week about a vlog that she was watching of this youtuber’s (Aspyn and Parker) wedding which made me start watching them because I love wedding. And we started to have a conversation that we have had many times before, what I want my wedding to look like. We started to talk about this because the wedding had everything that I have send that I want in mine eventually (from the dress type, to the location, to what the ceremony and reception set up looked like…not going to lie even her ring is what I would want). Then she told me the same thing she always says when we have these conversations (which is unusually often) “Just get married and you’ll fulfill all your wedding dreams!” which is actually a very normal response, however my response was not normal to when we speak. I wrote her back talking about waiting for the right person God has for me and not obsessing over it anymore. Then I told her about the other reason I come to point why I am not obsessing over it.
First a little back story… ever since I was little, about 7, I wanted to get married at the age of 18 right after graduation. That didn’t happen because I am now 20 years old but I am no longer sad about that. Because you see the problem with that dream was that growing up I had commitment issues. I never really knew why but that is not the point. The point is I stopped obsessing because before I was obsessing over a love that I was to scared to actually have because of my commitment issues but I craved. In a way although I am still sad that it never happened the way I dreamed for so long I am actually happy it happened because I told her “I realized that unfortunately I had commitment issues my whole life with everyone from God to family to friends which is why I used to be so distant from y’all and my family my whole life and although it was my dream to get married at 18 and live happy I realized that I’m lucky God never let me because my marriage would have been a disaster because of my commitment issues and I actually do believe that although that I didn’t get married at 18 like I dreamed that God is still keeping the dream that my first boyfriend first real kiss will be my husband which is why I don’t have a boyfriend and never had one because I probably would have married whoever it was.”
Now I said all this because God has recently freed me from the holds of commitment phobia. I am now in a place where I have committed to God, and I am growing relationships with my family and friends where I am starting to not be afraid to start relationships with them that involve longer commitment. But the only reason that I got here was because God showed me how to over come commitment issues.
It’s really simple…trust and love. When I was trying to understand about commitment issues I looked it up in the bible to see what it said (actually my friend just told me about this how you can look up a word on the YouVersion bible app and it gives you all the verses that have to do with it). I got a lot of verses but the ones that spoke to me the most when I read them where these:
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. – Philippians 4:6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. – Proverbs 3:5-7
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. – Psalms 37:5
Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. – Proverbs 16:3
We have all heard these verses various times (especially 1 Corinthians 13) but now look at them through the eyes of commitment issues. God is telling us that for us to have a commitment means to trust and once we start to trust we will be able to start to love.
Obviously having dealt with this I know that its hard to just say you have to trust and love. Because essentially what commitment issues are being scared of being something in long term because we are scared to love in one way or another and we are scared to trust because that means relaying on someone. But God is different! When we put our trust in him even if it’s hard we keep praying and keep thanking Him and we will start to build trust and after we will start to love Him. After we start to love God He will teach us to love others. Starting with our family and friends and we will start to love the way that 1 Corinthians 13 says the way we should love, the way it describes love to be. And once we are there we will be able to love someone to make the commitment of marriage.