My Journey

I’m Not Sorry for Myself…Anymore


Thanksgiving, a day to be grateful, to be around family and people you love, and also a day in which it is expectable to eat, a lot. It’s great! This year however, I found myself thinking something that I haven’t thought of in two years. While out for breakfast at IHop I ordered and then suddenly I started to think about all the food I ate and how I should probably not eat that day and the next day because I ate so much the other days. When I started thinking my body started to want to get back in the old habit where so that I wouldn’t eat I would get so anxious that I would feel sick to my stomach so whenever I would eat I couldn’t because whenever I would take a bite it would make me feel more anxious so I would feel more sick until I stopped eating. And it shocked me because I don’t know where this thought came from; it has been one year since I thought like this and two since I started to overcome the struggle of not wanting to eat.

While sitting there it was difficult because I was sort of fighting with myself. Telling myself that this struggle wasn’t me anymore because I had no more need to feel that way while my mind and body were trying to convince me that this was normal and that I was going to make myself sick by eating.

That’s when I started to think about God. And how He has changed me so much that I don’t need to think the same way that I did before. So I started speaking those things to myself silently. I started to feel better and I realized something at that time which is what I have been hearing all semester, and always thought it is easier said than done but truth is that if we truly believe it then it’s not as hard as we think.

When we come to Christ and we decide we are going to live for Jesus we are renewed and made new creations. Well that means that our minds are cleaned and cleansed and the old ways we used to think are no longer. Now if that’s true then why do we still go constantly back to our old thoughts and our old desires? That must mean that having our minds renewed is and cleansed and having a mind like Jesus is easier said than done, right? Well I’m going to say the answer is no.

But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.-Ephesians 4:20-24

(What I’m about to say do not take offense to it I don’t say it judging any one because I am charged with doing this too.) Now I’m not talking about people who just starting following Jesus, new to faith, and are still learning what it truly means to be in Him. But people who have been following Jesus for a while and know what the bible says but don’t apply it.

You see as humans we like to play the victim. So these things that are wrong or bad that we used to do when they try to come up again instead of resisting them we indulge them. And then we are like “God I’m sorry I don’t know why I keep on doing this.” obviously God forgives us because He loves us. But the truth is we don’t have to keep thinking or desiring those things anymore. When we believe that we are new in Jesus and our minds are renewed then when our minds try to bring those things up we can resist them by speaking the word of God over the topic every time. And one day it just won’t be a problem anymore, like you never even struggled with those things at all.

The word of God is truth, it is light, it is love, and it brings freedom when we believe in it. And isn’t it so much better to live a happy and joyful life not constantly worried about thinking the bad thoughts or feeling like we failed because we went back a step. Isn’t being led by love and feeling free from those struggles and that sadness so much better than feeling sorry for ourselves? I say that it is! And all we have to do is apply the Word in our lives and live by it but most importantly believe that what it says is true.


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